Coming Out

The other night when my mom grew concerned about my eating habits, she had asked me what was stressing me out so much. I casually replied "nothing". That "nothing" is a "something" that I have wanted to share with her for a while, but just could never work the courage up to tell her. There was one time last week that I almost told her what was bothering me as she was in a mood that I felt she wouldn't be too upset about it. We both became busy doing other things and I didn't get a chance to talk to her.

I consider myself bisexual; but, am more attracted to women than men. I would classify myself as a 5 on the Kinsey Scale in my feelings and thoughts, for those familiar with the scale; but, in my actions, I am more like a 4. I have dated more men than women; however, I don't have the attraction for men as I do women. For me, it is not a choice. I have struggled with my feelings for a long time and it is definitely not something I take lightly. I waited and waited, thinking it was a phase that all teenagers and even college students go through; but, in my late twenties, I don't think it is really a phase anymore. It has taken me a while to accept that piece of myself and I still have days where I don't accept it. I usually don't talk to my mom about significant others I am dating and she has never really met any of my significant others in the past. I am just finding myself at a point where I am wanting a long term relationship with another female. I am very family oriented, so in wanting a long term relationship, I would expect that my mom would find out at some point. I would rather tell her than her just find out.

I have looked through LGBT book after LGBT book trying to find ways to come out to parents. I was originally just going to text her and tell her. I don't want to risk her calling me and wanting to talk about it. I am not looking to talk about it right now, I just want her to know. So, for the past few days, I have thought about it and I know how I am going to do it.

I am going to find a blank card with a rainbow on the cover, write her a letter in the card, and mail it. I am incredibly scared and nervous about the outcome, but I can't keep living with this secret. I honestly would not have even considered coming out if my dad were still alive. That is just not something I would ever feel comfortable sharing with him. I like to pretend that he already knows and I have avoided the possible disappointment. I am not ready to be open to all my Facebook friends; a few of them already know as they are either part of the LGBT themselves or allies and I felt I could trust them.

I will post a follow up on how it goes.