Deja Vu: Another Meeting with the Medical Director (and Staff)

A few months ago, I posted about meeting with the medical director of HPMP. Well, since then, HPMP has a new medical director. For a different reason, I found myself meeting with my case manager and new medical director along with a few other staff members. I also have to add that I also have a new case manager--her name is Dawn.

My new case manager is the reason I had another meeting with the medical director and staff. I just don't get along with her. We have since worked through a few of the problems; but, I just can't stop worrying about things with HPMP. I am a tense person to begin with and when any issues arise in HPMP, it throws me into an almost panic state. I get so worried about them taking my job away from me. Every time I am either late in getting something to them or not being able to accomplish a task on time, it is always my job on the line. I don't do well with threats--it just causes more stress and worry; then, I get incredibly agitated and go off on people.

I am having to do weekly counseling appointments and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in August. I am hoping to get on medication for both the alcohol cravings and depression among other symptoms I am having. I have not been sleeping very good lately due to it being so hot outside and that has not helped the situation.

I keep telling myself that even though I have resentment with the Board and I hate HPMP, I am slowly making it through. Counting from my entrance date into HPMP, I have a year and a week left in HPMP; however, when I got a warning from HPMP for working too much, my date to completion is scheduled for July of next year.