Having Borderline Personality Disorder, I am no stranger to having anxiety. Borderline Personality Disorder is called that due to the fact that it is a disorder that borderlines psychosis and neurosis. Neurosis involves having anxiety and irrational fear. It also involves depression but I do not have depression that often anymore. I tend to lean towards having severe anxiety...sometimes to the point of psychosis. I do not take any medication at all for it, not due to being against medication--I am definitely in support of medication for anxiety-- but because the medication I am allowed to take while in HPMP does not help. Buspar is the medication I tried for anxiety--a person cannot get addicted to it. It helps some people, but it was not for me. I felt like it masked my anxiety. My anxiety still existed, just could not express it. I am not allowed to take controlled substances while in HPMP and I was never prescribed controlled substances for anxiety (i.e. Xanax, Ativan) as I tend to have more of an addictive personality. I have never tried Vistaril although that is another option aside from Buspar. I am left to using coping skills alone, which is okay.
Even though no one coping skill helps completely, there are so many things I do to cope. The one that helps my anxiety the most is a fitted jacket or coat. I tend to feel cold a lot, so I wear long sleeves and jackets most of the time. I started to realize that some of my anxiety started to subside when I wore form fitted jackets. I did some looking into it and apparently, slight pressure against the body helps anxiety. It is the same reason swaddling helps calm babies and Thundershirts help dogs. There are even blankets with beads in them called weighted blankets. I learned about weighted blankets from my preceptor at work.
Another thing that has helped my anxiety is facing my fear head on. I have a huge fear of being homeless and losing my job(s). Sometimes I plan what would happen if I became homeless- where I would stay, how I would accomplish day to day tasks of showering and doing online work, etc. As far as my job, I tend to ask about job performance way too much...my bosses sometimes do question if I did something wrong. I did not, that I know of, it is just I have to be able to mentally plan things. I try and work as much as I can, so I can make extra money as a back up if that does happen. People close to me do worry I will burn out, but for me , it helps. I love being a nurse and it helps my anxiety to work. Plus, I get into trouble when I am idle.
I also love music. I could listen to music 24/7, it just calms me. I like most music, not much into Bluegrass, Rap, or Techno. I also love to go to the park and swing on the swing set. I have been known to go to elementary schools after the kids are gone and swing if the park near me does not have a swing set. The rocking of swings has always helped me. I have tons of pictures of me as a baby and toddler in my baby swings and I the swings have always been my favorite playground equipment in elementary school. Even better is when I listen to my iPod while swinging. I am in my own little world then.
Being outside is another favorite of mine. I like to do just about anything outside--hiking, biking, kayaking, white water rafting....I would love to go zip lining at some point and skiing again. The first time I went skiing I did not have much fun until it was almost time to leave. There is something about the sunshine and fresh air that just helps my mood.
I am not much into actual meditation but sometimes just taking slow, deep breaths help a lot. Even better if it can lead to being able to relax enough to get some sleep.
So far, these strategies have worked for me. I am not going to lie, sometimes I get so anxious about things that I want to have an (alcoholic) drink or have thoughts of suicide but I am lucky enough that those thoughts are few and far between now and they are fleeting. I have come so far that I do not want to throw it all away.
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