My mom has gotten into this tradition of releasing a balloon on each one of our loved ones birthdays. It is a nice thought and it seems to help her, so more power to her. She has also had countless masses said for my dad; yes, my mom is Catholic. I haven't been able to get into the tradition of doing anything in memory of my dad; although last year, I did participate in Relay for Life with my family and raised money in his memory. However, that is a one time event.
I guess I will share a little bit about him and how he lived.
For starters, I guess I will start with the basics-- my dad had brown hair, blue eyes and an infectious smile that could light up a room. He met my mom in the Navy and they spent 41 years together. My mom likes to think they practically grew up together because they both entered the Navy almost straight out of high school. My dad didn't stay in the Navy too long, and entered into the car business to make money while my mom continued her career in the Navy. In the early to mid 1980s, they had my brother, Lance. A dear friend of my dad's said that my dad almost did cartwheels in the showroom at the lot he was working at, at the time, he was so happy. A few years later, my parents had me. My mom always said that my dad adored me, that I was his baby girl. I don't doubt that-- my dad and I didn't always see eye to eye; but, my dad was always there when I needed him and he always made sure I had food to eat or money to get food or fuel in my car. He made sure everything checked out when I got my first apartment and anytime I had car trouble, he always took care of it. Aside from taking care of basic needs; as I got older, my dad was so much better at handling my mood swings and temper tantrums than my mom. He would also become one of my biggest cheerleaders when I started into my mental health advocacy. I used to leave all kinds of NAMI Virginia and mental health information in my car and once, when he had my car inspected, he told the guy inspecting my car all about my advocacy and seemed really proud. It made me feel good to know my dad supported me in my advocacy endeavors.
Aside for what he did for me, my dad set an example of how to live life to the fullest and never take a day for granted. My dad loved golf and motorcycles. If it was a nice day out and business was slow, my dad would either go for a ride on his motorcycle or go to the golf course. I used to think 'how does he expect to make money not being at work?'. After my dad died, I was so happy that my dad spent his days doing what he loved and not slaving away at work constantly as he never reached retirement age.
I guess at this point, I should explain what happened to my dad. My dad had not been feeling very good for a while. A few days after my dad's 61st birthday, my mom came home and told him that she was taking him to urgent care as she had let him deal with this his way long enough and it was her turn to take control. Blood work and x rays were done at urgent care and it turned out my dad had cancer. My dad was admitted to the hospital the next day, and further tests were done. It turned out he had cancer in several places in his body, which was thought to have started in his esophagus or colon (both places had cancer) and metastasized to both lungs, spleen, liver, and most likely lymph nodes. His kidneys quit functioning due to the dye used in testing, which not only made him need to start dialysis; but, it made him ineligible to receive chemotherapy as chemotherapy drugs are excreted by the kidneys. My dad died two weeks after diagnosis.
This experience and how my dad lived taught me to work hard and to earn a living, but don't spend your whole life working; do what you love and spend time with your family and friends because you don't ever know when your time is up. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. I guess instead of traditions, in honor and memory of my dad, I try to live my life to the fullest.
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| My dad and I. I was around 3 years old. |
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| My favorite picture of my dad |
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